Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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