You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
