how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
