I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dick very happy bro
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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