You're my little dorito
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
