I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
