Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
