things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
