last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
