He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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