I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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