Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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