Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
