So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish I only lived at night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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