Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
