No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
