Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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