while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
