Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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