That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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