I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
