Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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