We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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