Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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