We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
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He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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