I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
