somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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