It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
