I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
