and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
