Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
