How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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