ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
