ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
