sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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