I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
