after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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