Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
