he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
