oh god the rape fog is back!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
