if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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