I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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