Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
