wanna go halves on a baby?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
