There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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