smell my finger.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
