Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
