gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
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Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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