Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you didnt know i had herpes?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
