Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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