I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
