I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
