yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
