Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
