All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
