You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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