Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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