Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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