I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we made out on top of his cat.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
