You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
