I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
