When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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