Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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