I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
