Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
