someone get that fucking seahorse.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
