i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she peed on how many people?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
