he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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