Banned from zoo.
Again?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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