So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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