What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
