according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
