I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Randomize
