I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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