Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
