I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
