I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
