i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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