Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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