we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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