I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
