I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
