You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
