She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
