Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Life is so much better after having sex.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
