I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
