Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
