i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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