Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
