You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
