walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
