the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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