So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize