First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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