I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
