did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
